Kio's Revenge
by Lihrah
Summary: Poor Kio is battling hard to win Soubi's love. Only one thing stands between him and the seductive 20yearold sex god – a 12yearold boy named Ritsuka. Kio comes up with a plan that will leave him with all of Soubi’s affection, but when Soubi gets wind of i
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the wonderful characters of LOVELESS (but believe you me I wish I did!) nor do I make any money with the writing and posting of this fic. All I do gain is self-satisfaction and reactions of friends.

**Title: **Kio's Revenge (Book 1 of a trilogy or quartet)

**Rated: **M (Some language, adult themes/jokes. Rating will go up.)

**Summary: **Poor Kio is battling hard to win Soubi's love. Only one thing stands between him and the seductive 20-year-old sex god – a 12-year-old boy named Ritsuka. Kio comes up with a plan that will leave him with all of Soubi's affection, but when Soubi gets wind of it, Kio better watch out! SoubixRitsuka, attempted KioxSoubi, small KioxRitsuka. Shounen-ai, yaoi, fluff, lemon, rape later on.

**A/N: **Hi! 'Tis I the beautiful and charming Lihrah! Good to meet you all! This is my first fanfic ever. I hope it turns out well. I've written before, but not a fanfic. The idea came one day in math when me and my good friend and Loveless/Dark/Yaoi fangirl squealing partner were passing notes. In just one little piece of paper we came up with ideas for a 3 book Loveless fanfic full of humor disturbingness and lots of fun. Chapters will be short ( XP I don't have much time to type) and will be updated irregularly but not too far apart. And I swear with my lifeblood that I will not leave halfway! If I do, you all have my permission to stalk me down and burn me with my computer. Now read this and review. If I get good enough responses, I will upload Chapter two! It's already written; I just have to type it.

Kio's Revenge 

Chapter 1

That damn, perverted. pedophile, unquestionably seductive and sexy Soubi! How dare he dump my beautiful self for a – for a little girly boy?!

Kio's head screamed with such thoughts as he sucked his sucker. No, not _that_ kind of sucker! What dirty mind do you possess? No, Kio was Stomping down the street scowling at innocent passerby. Soubi had turned him down once again.

Flashback

After the class, Kio had sidled up to the hot 20-year-old blond. Soubi was still working on his piece, so Kio snuck a look over his shoulder, reveling in their proximity.

"That's the most beautiful butterfly you've ever painted Sou-chan! Are you sure you don't like butterflies?"

"Kio, I've told you already. I despise them," Soubi replied in his sexy calm voice that made Kio's hair stand on end whenever he heard it.

"Did you make it for me Sou-chan? You are so sweet!" Kio wrapped his arms around Soubi's waist. _And his firm strong abs…_he thought.

Soubi turned his head to look at Kio. Their lips almost brushed and Kio shuddered. " No, it's for Ritsuka."

Kio felt as if the world had collapsed about him at the mention of the dreaded name. He buried his face in Soubi's back as he pretended to cry and proceeded with his usual argument whenever that name was mentioned.

"Sou-chan! Why do you date him? He's just a little kid who deosn't understand what a handsome adult like you wants in a relationship! What do you see in him that you don't in me?"

Soubi sighed inwardly. He'd been through this more times than he wished to count. He was getting slightly annoyed. None of the Fighter's true feelings showed on his face though. Instead, he smiled his little half smile and said, " Kio, you are my friend. Ritsuka is my life, my Sacrifice. Whatever he wants, I will do."

Soubi stood and took the butterfly painting under his arm.

"I'm going home. Please don't follow me, Kio." And with that he left before the other blond could ask him more.

End Flashback

Kio was now walking around downtown feeling miserable and jealous. He thought he might as well be drunk as well, so he headed for his favorite bar. But on the way, across the street, he saw the one person he least wanted to meet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own and you do not sue.

**A/N: **Yay! Chapter 2! I know you all hated the cliffie in chapter 1, hehe! I hate them too. Anyways, hey! This chapter has some adult jokes so be warned. If you don't get them, too bad. I'm not gonna bother explaining. Any way, it's Chapter 3 that really is interesting, but I haven't written it yet. So just read what I have and don't look a gift horse in the mouth, ne!

Chapter 2

Ritsuka had come downtown with his friends, Yuiko and Yayoi. They were celebrating the start of the summer holidays. School had finally ended yesterday and they were all very excited.

"Yuiko-chan! Do you want some ice cream?" Yayoi asked, googley-eyed.

"Yes! I want strawberry! What about you Ritsuka-kun?" Yuiko too was googley-eyed, but at Ritsuka.

"Huh?" Ritsuka had been checking his e-mail, hoping for a message from Soubi but expecting none. Ritsuka had told Soubi he was going out with his friends today and had strictly ordered his Fighter to not come. But that morning, Soubi had sent Ritsuka a note:

Ritsuka. I have a special present for you.

Meet me at the fountain downtown at six.

I love you.

-Soubi

There was a P.S too, but it had made Ritsuka blush furiously: "Are you ready for it yet?"

The zero unit Soubi had rescued had become friends with Ritsuka, after he had finally forgiven them for nailing Soubi's hand. They had told him what had to be done for a Fighter and his Sacrifice to join completely. It involved his ears. The thought made Ritsuka turn redder than a beet.

" Are you alright, Ritsuka-kun? You're all red." Yuiko asked him, concerned. Even Yayoi forgot his jealousy for a minute as he looked at Ritsuka.

"Ah- no, I'm fine. It's just…the heat…" Ritsuka shrugged, blushing even more, if possible.

Yuiko clapped her hands and jumped. " Oh! We can fix that right away! We were just about to get some ice cream! What flavor do you want, Ritsuka-kun?"

Ritsuka thought a minute before answering. "Mint chocolate chip." It was Soubi's favorite and he wanted to try it.

Kio was in his silent kid-stalking mode. He was almost as good as Soubi, the master pedophile. He watched the small group walking along the sidewalk laughing and licking their ice creams and pointing to one thing or another. A plan was forming in his mind.

He could finally have his revenge and keep Soubi all to himself.

He grinned mischievously.

A little further ahead Ritsuka felt a deep foreboding and a chill waved down his spine.

"Why do I feel like I'd rather be anywhere else in a few hours…" he muttered to himself.

**A/N: **Mwuahahahaha! Another cliffie! ducks teh flying pies Waah! If you kill me now you will never know what happens next!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Me no ownie! Rawr!

**A/N:** I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I swear I didn't mean to wait that long! Gomen! It's just that school caught up with me, or should I say, passed me, and I had a lot of work to do! But here it is! The promised chapter! I know, things don't seem very funny yet, but trust me, this is a comedy. From now on things will be much more fast paced and you will have aches from laughing so hard. I promise! …pwease don't huwt meh! Oh yeah, I'm looking for a beta. Send me an e-mail at if you are interested. Oh, and I decided no real rape. It's too serious a topic for a lighthearted fic like this one.

**Chapter 3:**

Soubi looked at the large clock in the plaza. _Hmmm…_he thought._ I'm an hour early. Ritsuka won't expect to see me this soon. _A slight grin broke his passive face as an idea implanted itself in his head. Chuckling, Soubi made his way through the crowds, looking for a certain small, black-haired head with adorable ears.

…………………….

Kio stayed out of the trio's sight as long as he could. He was looking for a chance to execute his plan without causing a ruckus and drawing the attention of the authorities. So far he had had no such luck. The three friends seemed inseparable, and one was always with Ritsuka at all times. Kio was starting to get very flustered. Then, just as he was starting to wonder if it wouldn't be so bad after all if he simply ran out and grabbed the boy, the virgin stepped of into a side alley, _alone_.

Astounded at his turn of luck and thanking whatever gods were blessing him, Kio scurried after and snuck up behind the kid.

"Soubi…why don't you call, idiot…" His voice was quiet and hurt, and very, very cute.

_No wonder Soubi has the hots for him_, Kio thought bitterly. Kio almost hesitated. This was just a little kid after all. Would he really follow through with his plan? But Soubi would never take notice of him until he got rid of Ritsuka. He was Seimei's little brother after all! It stood to reason that the younger sibling would be just like that bastard. He couldn't let Soubi go through all that pain again!

So reasoning Kio stood up to his full height and took a step toward Ritsuka. Unfortunately, his foot was entangled in a garbage bag and he fell forward with a cry, knocking down the younger boy as Ritsuka turned, wiping his eyes.

………………………

Ritsuka was enjoying his day out with two of the people he loved most in the world. However he couldn't help his mood dampening every minute that passed without a word from Soubi. He blushed as he realized how lovesick he was acting.

"Ritsuka-san, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, Yayoi, I just um have to make a call. Excuse me." Ritsuka hurried down the alley half to get away from Yayoi's curious stare. The other boy had some ideas about what the real relationship between Ritsuka and Soubi was, but thankfully, he hadn't said anything to anyone yet.

The other reason Ritsuka was down in the alley was to check his e-mail in private. He wouldn't call Soubi. That's just what the idiot wanted. But Ritsuka wished Soubi wouldn't make him feel so abandoned at times.

As expected, his inbox was devoid of any new messages. He sighed.

"Soubi…why don't you call, idiot…"

He sniffed and wiped away the tears threatening to fall. He was about to leave the deserted alley when he heard a yell and something landed on him throwing him back.

"Waah!" He landed in a pile of trashe with a heavy something pinning him down. Ritsuka tried to push whatever it was off of him and gasped when his hand met skin. His first thought was that it was a dead body but that was quickly dispelled when the thing wriggled and said in a muffled voice, "Ooof! Watch where your poking me!"

"Aaaah! Wh-who are you! What are you doing?! Get away from me! Mov- AHHH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU PERVERT!?!?" Ritsuka panicked and yelled, his voice rising in pitch. Kio had no choice but to cover the kid's mouth with his hand, but in the darkness, his hand cupped around something much lower that definitely was not a mouth.

Kio felt his face burn and quickly withdrew his hand. He quickly sat up and tried to crawl away. "Sh-shut up! Someone will hear you!" He said, before his hand slipped on a stray banana peel and he fell forward. Whatever gods had "helped" him, were sly tricksters, because Kio's loss of balance resulted in an impromptu kiss.

Both males' eyes widened in shock. Ritsuka kicked Kio in between the legs and backed away from him yelling at the top of his lungs. Kio's eyes widened in shock and he quickly claimed the kid's mouth again to make him shut up before anyone heard and caught him.

Unfortunately for him, Ritsuka's panicked cries had already been heard.

Angry hands grasped the back of Kio's collar and pulled him up and around to see the last person he wanted to see at that moment glaring pure hatred at him.

"S-Souchan! I-It isn't wh-what you think! Re-really! I-eeep!"

**A/N:** Bwuahaha! Tish the ebil cliffie end of horrible doom! Ehhh…Yeah…I know, kinda sadistic of me to put a cliffie end to a chapter I know you've all been waiting for so long but…I must keep readers into it no? Heehee. And I really need to go to bed…hmmm…I shall not promise when the next chapter will be out so I won't feel guilty when it is abominably late and so you all can't flame at me for it o . Heheheh! I am so smart 8P! Ah, I almost forgot. I'm planning on doing a Fruits Basket oneshot, but I can't figure out what Shigure and Hatori will be like if they are uber drunk. Help/looks for the evil pies/


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** You all know the deal.

**A/N:** Yesiree It's Chappie 4! Excited aren't you? I'm really sorry for the wait. Truly, even I thought I'd finish A LONG TIME before now but…yeah ya'll don't need the details on my boring life. Heheh. I will try to make the chapters longer but I really have only a limited time to write and type them. But for now: enjoy Angry and Jealous Soubi! Plus we find out a little secret about Ritsuka…oooh la la!

**AAVF: Angry Auther Venting Frustration **DAGNABIT! Just when I finish and am about to upload this chapter for you guys the site says it's overloaded and won't let me! GAH! I'll put this up A.S.A.P, then. Sorry guys.

Chapter 4 

"S-Souchan!"

Soubi lifted Kio up by his collar and slammed him against the wall with a feral growl.

"You _dare_! You touched my, _MY_ Ritsuka, now suffer the consequences!" Soubi took out a feather and started tickling Kio. Kio was very ticklish and soon he was gasping hard, having difficulty breathing since he was laughing so hard. He couldn't even speak. All he could do was jerk around and try to stop Soubi while off a wall by the collar of his shirt. It was futile.

Ritsuka had recovered by now from the double shock of the unexpected kiss and Soubi's out of character revenge and tried to pull the man off of the smaller blond. "Oi! Stop that! You'll suffocate him with laughter! That's an order!"

Soubi smiled at Ritsuka and he let go of Kio, who slid down a couple of feet into a nasty pile of trash. Kio spluttered and coughed, trying to catch his breath in a daze. Soubi walked over to Ritsuka and picked him up, bride style. He gave the boy a long, loving kiss and asked him, "Are you okay?"

Ritsuka blushed adorably and nodded into Soubi's collarbone. The movement caused his ears to become slightly crooked.

"Good. I love you Ritsuka."

"You always say that," Ritsuka replied with a face. He didn't mind those three words as he had in the beginning. Now, he knew the feelings were true, and not something his brother Seimei had forced Soubi to say. And so he buried his head further and murmured, "I love you too."

Soubi felt a warmth spread through his chest and smiled happily. He combed his fingers through Ritsuka's hair, dislodging the ears even more. Now only one hung on crookedly, while the other fell to the floor. He lifted the child's innocent face to his and kissed him. The kiss was chaste, and sweet, but full of enough love for the passionate emotion to radiate around the happy couple.

While this fluffy loving took place, Kio got up on unsteady feet and was wobbling around like a drunken duck. He saw the couple behind the twittering birds flying around his head and teetered towards them. That brat had taken his, let me emphasize that, HIS, Souchan again! Kio reached out to grab Soubi, but Soubi punched him right on the nose. It happened so fast that Ritsuka, who had closed his eyes and was lost in the kiss, didn't notice. Kio, his hand still outstretched, fell onto his back and twitched. He had a big fist shaped bruise on his face.

Soubi broke the kiss and chuckled when Ritsuka moaned in protest. He turned around and walked out of the alley with Ritsuka still in his arms. As the light from the street reached them, the fighter looked his Sacrifice over. Ritsuka had wrapped his arms around Soubi's neck and had laid his head on his shoulder. There was no sign of any injury, except for a few bruises from the fall. Then he noticed Ritsuka's ears, or lack thereof. They must have fallen off in the alley. _Oh well_, Soubi thought_. It's about time he stopped trying to hide the truth. I wonder how his friends will react?_

With that thought, Soubi stepped out of the dark alley and into the city sunset.

"Ritsuka-kun!"

Ah, there were those friends of his, running toward them. Soubi still had trouble believing that the girl was the same age as Ritsuka. Why, she had bigger tits than a lot of the girls at Soubi's college. And that's saying something.

Ritsuka sat up in Soubi's arms when he heard his name and smiled one of his adorable little smiles. The one that would cause every person seeing it's heart to skip a beat and their brain's deal with the temptation of squealing and hugging the little boy until he suffocated. You know the one? Well yeah…on with the story. "Hi, Yuiko, Yayoi."

Yuiko and Yayoi ran up to them and were about to glomp Ritsuka, regardless of the fact that Soubi was still carrying him, when they noticed the difference. Large, shocked eyes and mouths hanging so open that the chins dragged on the floor is one way to describe their reaction.

"EEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!" That would be Yuiko, pointing at Ritsuka and clutching Yayoi's arm.

"Wh-whe-where a-a-a-are y-you're e-ears?!" Yayoi.

**A/N:** MWUAHAHAHAHA! Our little neko boy has "lost" his ears! Wait…if he doesn't have ears, then he's not really a neko boy anymore…is he? Hmmm…. Oh wells. Hope you liked! And you can't kill me because I have TWO defenses. ONE: I never ever promised I'd update soon so you can't put me on trial for being late and TWO: If you kill me, you won't ever know what happens next. You want to hear Ritchan try to explain his way out of this one don't you? Heeheehee… I bet you're all wondering HOW he lost those ears…Tell ya'll what, since I'm an ebil conniving likkle bishie who likes to see you squirm (Why do I remind myself of Itachi?) I'll post a flashback chapter to that incident if, AND ONLY IF, I get lots an lots of R&R's!!!!


	5. Author's Note

_**THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER. **_

I'm truly sorry everyone, but I'm putting _Kio's Revenge_ on hiatus for a while. NOTE, THIS DOES NOT MEAN I'M GIVING UP! No no, I just have a lot of things going on what with life an school and such. Also, I'm working on a Furuba fic that's turning out longer than I expected. Once I sort things out and upload the Fruits Basket fic, I'll keep going with this story. Bear with me and earn happy rewardsesnessiness…er…yeaaaaah….As you can see, I'm not in my right mind…Not that I'm ever in "normal" state of mind but…yeah, My life is fucked but so's yours so why don't we all go deal with it? –gives you a Sasuke glare, but not as heartpoundingly sexy-- (Oh, and if that offended anybody: piss off, I'm emo.)

But I'm nice enough to answer reviews:

**CrymsonTear**: Thanks for reviewing since the beginning! You gets a cyber cookie! And because you protected me from the flying pies of authorial doom, you also get a hug!

**Mystic Dodo**: Thank heaven's you're not dead! I don't want to get sued! Heehee! Yep I am ebil and I take pride in it. But dun huwt meh! –hides behind Crmy-

**Mistywaterfall**: Eh…I'm not to sure what Yuiko and Yayoi's reactions will be myself. I'm just sorta, you know, making it up as I go along? XP. Listening to Jpop while writing kinda helps with the brainstorming.

**Shounen-ai**: Er, yes? Wait! I mean no! Gah! I dunno! Next chapter will explain it all.

**Rose-Dragonfire**: I'm sowwy! I love Kio too, but it was necessary for the plot! Er…plot bunny…-gives you a Kio plushie as compensation and a bribe- er…ahem- _reward_ for not killing me-

That's it for now! Reviews, I mean. BUT LISTEN UP! I have decided that if I can get more than a score and half reviews, I will write a juicy, lemony, boy love filled chapter of fangirl dreams! WOOT! I ish the Godmother here with an offer YOU CAN'T RESIST! BWUAHAHAHAH!

Oh yeah, everyone read Naruto Chapter 347 page 10? I can't wait to find a fanfic inspired by that very page w Sai is the uber hotness.

Er, did I just go from being a pissy emo girl to hyper fangirl in like…a second? It must be because of that time of month again…I hate periods. 


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